


Happier

by doctorvirgo



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bad Spelling & Grammar, Comfort/Angst, How Do I Tag, M/M, Please Don't Hate Me, Please Don't Kill Me, WTF, What Was I Thinking?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-28
Updated: 2020-09-28
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:35:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27295771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doctorvirgo/pseuds/doctorvirgo
Summary: in a vivid lethargy, a castle in air. misunderstanding affair atmosphered between kageyama and hinata, burden in finding the right happiness and satisfaction in each other. with a heart-rending, one of them reach a decision to end up, to broke and to forget everything even if it hurts. hinata, found his way to entertain himself with atsumu, an unwell person while kageyama decided to go overseas to study, then coming back not minding a hidden ascetic circumstances he was in. for he has a synthetic thought, hinata was happier. he do.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Kudos: 1





	1. ain't nobody love you like i loved you

**Author's Note:**

> hello! feel free to listen to ' Happier ' by Ed Sheeran while reading! and also sorry for the grammatical errors ahead! enjoy reading!

hinata walk out of the room brought his anger from the person who's behind him, kageyama.

"i'm s-sorry" the tall man turn his eyes down "i did'nt pay any attention to you instead giving you pressure, i'm s-sorry hinata.."

a tear escaped from his blue oceanic eyes. "i understand why, i do"

he merely sobs with his emotion. he could feel his breath panting heavier. kageyama don't want to hear words from hinata that will hunt him in entire time but he also know that its too late. hinata inhale his breathe, with a heavy heart. he need to this

"then this will be my farewell, kageyama" hinata never turn any glances from his previous lover, he thought everything will be fine if they talk about their misunderstanding relationship but turn out be worst, _pain_.

kageyama rose his tearing eyes and watch as hinata fade away from his vision. aiming his hand to reach out but he could'nt.

he want to but he can't

_don't go_

no one was there to see how kageyama's eyes went floody. they were both in pain. never was happiness.

* * *

a few months passed, after that. shoyo set his foot to a building. he entered the big dreary hospital casually. rose his chin, his sunny eyes where set forward. passing by several rooms

he entered the room of a pallid aura detecting, he saw a tall man laying in the bed. wearing gown from the given place. tubes attached on his wrist. a friend of his-

a sick person

"atsumu-san!" hinata widened his grin from ear to ear. brightly approach the person with his smile. "shoyo! you came!" atsumu rose from his bed and aim to stand.

"no no you should rest" hinata put atsumu's shoulder back to the bed but the ailing person grab his arm and wrap it around to him. hinata startled for a second "atsumu-san?"

"shh i missed you"

"what? i always visit you everyday" hinata release his body from being squeezed by atsumu

"i know but its not all the time" the sick one pouted. hinata chuckles as he observed the unwell one and sat from the side of the bed. "so how the doctor said?"

atsumu panicked his eyes quitely, gently enough for shoyo not to noticed. "one more surgery they said" he fabricated a smile-

atsumu was never that sick he just have to be in that hospital, confined well so shoyo could have time for him. there was no surgeries nor operation. true about that is that he should have been released 2 weeks ago but he made an excuse not to

all for love, he claimed.

"ohh, thats great, you'll be in overseas after you release here right?" hinata grab his bag and arrange the fruits he bought. never took glances to atsumu who's worried. atsumu inhales and exhales before he ask "yeah uhm shoyo?"

"yes? atsumu san?" hinata pour a water while talking causal to him. not minding the worried voice from the person laying in the bed.

"after i'm being release here, uhm would you mind to uh, go out with me?" atsumu deep his breath. patiently waiting for an answer from him.

shoyo gently pause a little, thoughts separated from his mind. his eyes moved from the top to bottom and blinked twice. he's was not ready to answer but he has to, for atsumu who's relaying his ecstasy to him

"oh s-sure.." that was natural yet his voice has sorrow, he knows why he paused himself. he knows that he haven't move on from those 6 years yet after hearing kageyama's tearsdrops few months ago. 

it was painful for him to see kageyama like that. he never left the room that scene ago he just eavesdropping, crying quitely, covering his mouth with his little palm while kageyama's apologizing again and again to him even he's not there.

he felt sorry but the other side of him whispering not to.

"shoyo? are you okay?" atsumu voice broke hinata's flashback making his hand flustered from the pitcher he's holding "o-oh sorry i'm just spacing out" he return to bed giving a normal face behind his torment eyes and gave atsumu a drink.

"are pulling a night-over? your face look pale"  
atsumu reaches hinata's lower part of his eyes as he noticed hinata's dim face.

"oh yes i've been studying now for a some job interview" he said in a phony tone. atsumu must've know but he preferred to chuckle and avoid the topic on his mind.

"well that's not you" hinata giggles for a while. and tried not feel awkward between the air of them. "so what's your plan? about going out next week?" shoyo's eyes beam again.

atsumu form his lip to a thin lined "i would like to go on museum!"

"that's great! you're really fond of that kind places huh" shoyo chortle.

"of course i always want to discover something as much i can do"

laughs escaped from both of them as the chattering continues. he would just listen to atsumu's rant, gossip and blather since the day he visited. it wasn't boring for hinata. its for his own good. forgetting everything by meeting new things.

as the sun began to sleep, hinata made his way home. bidding his ' see you tommorrow ' to atsumu as he goes.

on his path, seeing city lights through his apprehension he withdrew and looked up to the sky. as the white foggy-clouds covering the starry nights. he saw a plane routing its way to an airport nearby the city where he was

he paused and release a heavy sigh as he can see a smoke coming from his mouth due to the cold weather

" are you there kageyama? " he ask himself as he watched the downing plane. after that painful scenery, kageyama decided to go overseas to study, _lie_

even it will cost him his heart he cut his communication with hinata. hinata just heard the overseas-news from tsukishima, friend of his from highschool era. he want to disappear all of his thoughts, sighs again and set his foot forward. aish, shoyo forget it.

* * *

black shoes planted on a white tiles on the building. exploring his gaze around with many crowds. looking for someone.

" hey tobio! " a short haired girl approached the tall guy as she smiled at him saying " welcome back "

kageyama slightly form a smirk. " why are you smirking? i waited for you here like 30 minutes " the girl exclaimed. brushing kageyama's dark blue hair.

" stop being impatient miwa-san grandpa will get angry to you " the given name chuckled " yeah yeah right, lets go "

his sister patiently driving and minding her own business while kageyama, examine, observing every blocks they passing by. quitely wondering. after a second miwa broke the silence, her eyes are still in the road while merely ask, "did things worked fine there?" kageyama rose his face and took a single glance to his sister.

then set his eyes to the same phase again. "fine as well, i guess" he answered uninterested.

"d-do you want to go together to the hospital tommorrow?" she asked again but in a agonized tone

kageyama just stared for minute and answer

"no need" chin resting to his palm. exhaling breath from his mouth. then wondered again.

his eyes were focused on traveling not paying any attention to every single blocks, building and houses he stared at. 

a glimpse of scenery pass by two faces crossed a lined but neither of them descry. a slow motion through the vision. hinata and kageyama never noticed that they passed throught each other with their dreary faces.

query again, strangely blinked and sighs.

" how are you doing " both of their thoughts spoke.

* * *

as tommorrow came, shoyo found himself in the same pathway again. swaying absent-mindedly in his step. his peripheral could see people passing him but not minding them.

hinata straight forward and focusing in his way. suddenly from an area he drew near to the hospital he saw a familliar curly-haired tall man entered the same hospital he was way to

a beep sound from his phone escaped, checking it out. he saw a message from the person he was about to visit.

From : Atsumu [ 8:47 am ]

shoyo? where are you? a friend suddenly came today. if you're studying now you don't have to come, also rest today :>

shoyo felt uneasy, somehow he also felt aloneness, although atsumu was never the source of his desolated emotion, he just remembering the past that they would go all day out with kageyama-

hinata flushed himself and shaked his head off. neither its hard he could tell. hinata decided to wonder himself, not calling any of his friend nor yachi or yamaguchi. of course he wouldn't call tsukishima who would insult him for his entire life, for he knew its also late to.

wearing black pants and a simple shirt coated with a thick jacket. he visited a place he always loves to go.

a sports store. where he bought his shoes and kneepads. he wondered inside the store looking for things he could buy for entertainment and collection. he explore every inch of the store he was in and then he saw volley ball displaying in top above him.

he stared at it like the memories flashes back on his mind. remembering how he and kageyama used to play on matches, fighting together and started to relayed their happiness on each other and so on, so far.

what a nostalgia.

a presence of another person walked by a gradual pace a first then slowed to a halt. as hinata noticed, he blatantly turn his gaze from the ball to the person meters away from him.

a sudden change of emotion he drew to his face. from its expressionless to disbelief startled face. the yellow eyes met the sapphire one.

" k-kage...yama? " 

dark clouds gathering through the sky, an raindrop could hear from the outside. a minute of silence aired between them. " hi-hinata-- "

" kageyama, its raining soon... lets go.. " a voice of another person drawning near to them from nearly shout to quite tone after seeing the situation in.

" h-hello hinata " the person waved awkwardly to hinata " hi kunimi-san! "

kageyama didn't blink nor avert, he just stared at hinata, startled yet a sadness from his eyes, tears want to escape and body looking for his warmth but realized that was not the right place to.

_i missed you_

if kageyama eyes can speak, hinata might hear those words but neither of them spit any.

"kageyama... sorry to interrupt but its kinda raining soon and you'll be late for your check up" kunimi tapped kageyama's shoulder causally and faced him. he blinked twiced and finally deflect everything in his front.

check up?

hinata want to form a word regarding to what he heard. "ah yeah, let's g-go"

kageyama clenched his fist and slightly brush his forehead "s-sorry --"

"well, see you around hinata" kunimi bid his goodbye as he pushed kageyama through out of the store. patting his back. hinata's eyes followed their path way out. he was just standing there. wanted to punch himself for not saying anything.

the same affliction scenery repeated it self but it was different. hinata was the one who was left behind.

he felt a tear escaped from his eyes and immediately wiped it with his barehand. he felt sorry for what he saw in kageyama's eyes. he's not familliar with that eyes before. before they broken up.

_i'm sorry_

as the heavy rain poured out, he was standing there, alone.

* * *

kageyama find himself running away. he want to go back. he have to.

"kageyama" the spoken name rose his gaze to kunimi. "

if you're asking me why i interrupt, it was on purpose" heavy sigh released from kunimi.

"why?"

" because you're not ready yet " he stared at the ceiling like having a conversation with the white bulbs.

no more words were heard from them.

kageyama just return his eyes down, stared again to his shoes. he closed eyes deeply avoiding the tear wanted to fall earlier.

"ah kageyama stand up, you're next" kageyama stand up as breathe leaking from his mouth. he entered a dreary white room full of medical equipment. facing a white coated man- a doctor. he lay on the bed while the doctor keeps on checking in his pale body and writing letters on the paper he holds. a few minutes the doctor signs that it was done.

he stands up and talk quitely to the doctor, taking a form, kageyama leaves the room and sighs after making his way out through the door.

kunimi met kageyama's eyes and avoid it immediately. he knows what the result. a blamful yet gloomy voice came from him "you're gonna live here, you idiot"

* * *

what was he doing? were he sick? why would he go to the hospital? why was he taking checks up? hinata just stared at the drink infront of him. he was in a cafe still wondering, thinking, worried what he heard. negative thoughts flying to his mind. crumbled words want to set straight but he keeps thinking on a bad side of life.

he want to talk, he want to know how was he doing. he wanted everything back to normal, badly. he realized what he want is not a closure, his mind was never ready for that. it may chased him and hunt him down to fall by knowing a closure is to forgot everything. those 6 years of happiness was a treasure to him. he must keep it away or take care of it.

_hinata, you dumbass._

trying to forget everything by meeting new things? while the other one is suffering without any conversation to make it clean and straight? 

"he was right, i was a dumbass" rain still pouring, wishing it would stop soon.

* * *

a few day passed like a wind then the time came, hinata as usual on his way the hospital again, plenty raindrops patting his skin. entered with a casual wear, passing through. never took any sight on his left or right sides

he just walk forward. after that he entered the room where atsumu standing, in his bed full of bags. today he will be discharged

"atsumu-san!" he face the hinata grinning wide. greetings with each other smiles even one of them was fake.

"shoyo!" atsumu attached his body a hug to hinata. "are we leaving already?"

"osamu's not here yet, can we wait?"

"sure!"

same chattering while waiting, blather and laughs echoing through the closed room. hinata made his excuse to go comfort room as he left. made his way to a hall full of well and unwell people, maybe he was not fond of. as his eyes scowled forward never minding others

he's presence smells just in time to swiftly avoid colliding someone. he still set his eyes forward more

after a comfy rest, he made his way back to the room. on the same hall way he was. dark light can see through the thick glass in the other side of the hall.

his walking were slower than before. through his sight. a confuse face he drew as he saw a familliar back. he was a tall guy wearing a gown of this hospital, holding a stand with a hanging fluid thinking its an equipment on the hospital, staring outside through the glasses

he can hear him murmuring things meters away from him. the familliar face might noticed that someone was staring at him. he slowly turned his pale face to hinata.

same again. there again.

" k-kageyama? wha--? " hinata stared at him from toe to head as he saw the misery, weak, thin, inadequate situation kageyama was.

for there second endure, he was a patient.

* * *

"a cancer where affect the blood and bone marrow" miwa can't arrange her words as he read the form given by the doctors. no other emotion were display to her face but a worried and teary eyes was.

"leukemia"

she fell through the sofa as the couch saved her then sighs hefty. she couldn't believe it nor take it as a truth. that was not what she waited from months her brother away. coming back here, brought pain and sickness

_just why_

" why on earth? why my brother? " miwa lay her arm to her forehead. " grandpa, h-help me "

* * *

those where sudden flashback of kageyama, as hinata approaching towards to him.

"hinata" he said before smiling, a very sad one.

" y-you're? w-why w-what are you doing h-here " voice crack through painful sight, seeing a tall guy looking dull and infirm, wearing a clothes that he must not wear to

he can see that he lost his weight due to what he was wearing and a tired drawn to his face. tubes were hanging, connected to his body.

a cold breezes outside, its not even sunny because of the dark clouds covering the sky.

kageyama couldn't spit a word niether move, he was just there. waiting. his eyes began to form a small tears wanting to drop. his flop weak arms couldn't move. he was just freezing in pain. seeing how hinata observed him.

he want a hug. he want to step forward.

why won't you move? are you still hurt? are you in pain?

a beep from hinata's phone broke the silence of ache. he immediately check what on his phone. he saw atsumu name, asking where he is. saying that they will leave right now knowing osamu, his brother was already there.

_argh what a bad timing._

he don't want to shut things down in this situation, he don't understand anything nor make any conversation to him. he was blown and full of question. he don't want to leave again.

he deeply closed his eyes aiming to speak a word "kage-"

"its fine, h-hinata you can g-go" a voice of agony was heard from kageyama. he was smiling, a blue and fallen one. when hinata faces him, he avoid it rapidly. he was in burden.

he don't want to see that. he just bowed his head and ran away.

_again_

making him to sad wonder why the one is being left behind. and the other one was always running away.

was they not meant to be? was they meant to hurt each other? after all, are they just parallel lines? no they were just unloved wanting to be loved again. are they?

as kageyama's gape followed hinata's footstep away.

_did i just let go again?_

from his field of vision, he could see hinata stopped in front of a room. a tall guy pop out. beaming to him as hinata did well hiding his look of sadden that almost surfaced upon his face.

kageyama's mind mistaken that, that was not a fabricated smile but a genuine one. he thought.

"i missed that one, that was mine before."


	2. ain't nobody hurt you like i hurt you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> grammatical errors ahead! sorry!

" where have you been? you know you can't just walk around with your situation in " miwa exclaimed for his brother who just came back to his room as he lay to his bed.

he speak no words except for a sentence that miwa was startled at.

" i saw hinata " his eyes where set outside the window. averting his sister eyes that will look pity on him.

" tobio- "

" he's here "

" tobio, what- "

" he's visiting here, someone else "

a silence for a second echoed the closed-dim room.

heavy sighs escape from miwa " tobio- i'm not blaming him for this, for your sickness, but after all this time? are you still into him- "

" i wish not to... h-he was not here for me either "

he gulp his agony and blinked thrice to avoid whats escaping from his eyes that was full of pain yet tired bags under it.

" h-his eyes was not m-mine, anymore "

* * *

" shoyo? are you okay? you seems spacing out so lately today? " atsumu pats hinata's shoulder as they travel away from the dreary place. 

_away from someone_

" atsumu, let him be. he's visiting you everyday. have you ever thought he's maybe tired? you heavy bug " osamu teased the well-discharged one while driving on the way home.

hinata giggled a little to hide the sadden face he saw today. " i'm just thinking about other things today, thank you osamu-san! " he smile lightly, making osamu noticed what's behind those fabricated beam.

" alright, hinata you don't need to drop atsumu today, i ride you home and take a rest "

" eehh, but he supposed to eat dinner with us "

" atsumu? what are you giant dramatic babyworm? snap out of it, you bug "

" hey! i just got discharged from the hospital and you treat me like this how dare you insult your brother "

" i take the dare, you pest "

blather and witty fights can be heard inside the car. until osamu won and drop hinata infront of the apartment he was living in. " thank you osamu-san!! "

" bye! shoyo-- " atsumu bid his goodbye while the car fasten its speed like osamu did it on purpose to tease his brother, which it was not.

" let him be " osamu plained his words. exhale a little from his nose.

and said with a worried voice. " i saw kageyama today.... he was in the same hospital with you. "

atsumu stay his mouth zipped yet his pupil widened a little. his heart beats faster.

" i know, shoyo saw him. so let him go "

atsumu rose from his chin resting on his palm and take a look at osamu who's driving, minding the road.

he once spoke again but in a command tone.

" atsumu, let him go "

* * *

" tsukishima please! do me a favor " hinata bowed at front of tsukishima's apartment, begging him to do something ridiculous.

" please just let me call miwa san "

" as i said to you, i don't have any connection to them so leave " he exclaimed in expressionless face.

" but- "

" NO " tsukkishima shut his door, planted his hand on his face and sighs. " this is your fault kageyama " he silently spoke inside while hinata, outside, never heard his voice.

_tsk, saltyshima_

he left the house, unwillingly. yet he still want to beg, cry a blood for him so he can talk to kageyama's sister, miwa. for he could understand everything he want to know but for the other side.

before kageyama was confined, he ask tsukishima for a favor that in the first place he was never agreed with not to give any information to hinata, but that was destroyed after what hinata encountered the infirm kageyama today.

now, hinata is on his knees. that's explain why tsukishima didn't agree.

_annoying sun_

hinata felt a vibrate-tone from his phone, and immediately answered it after he saw tsukishima's name.

" Room 354, his sister always visit him in weekends. today's saturday so hurry. talk to him as much as possible, he'll be... "

" got it, t-thank you! "

both of connections ends as hinata started to run as fast as his reflexes could go. deep breaths escape from him. its nearly dark as the lights of city began to shine.

" _talk to him as much as possible, he'll be away soon_ "

he shake off his head and run faster. he don't mind the road nor the crowd, but he set his feet running forward. he want to know everything, he must.

he pants heavy after stopping at the front of the bleak building he supposed to be, he entered and walk to run phase faster again. his gazed around and point every room, reading numbers on it. it is a spacious hospital after all.

from hurry plight, hinata accidentally bump into someone. he return his face rapidly and apologize. 

he was suprise and widened his eyes, he beam light for he found the one his looking for-

" miwa-san! " 

" s-shoyo? what are you doing here? " a affray appearance she drew to her face.

" i-i was looking for... y-you " hinata lower his facet for avoiding his unknown feeling. he uneasy spoke " i want to know w-what happened to k-kageyama.. "

miwa inhale a vivid breathe " let's not talk here "

* * *

a cold breezes outside the glass, there was no star but aphotic foggy clouds canopy the sky. there their was. sitting on a bench.

" so what do you want to know? " miwa where sets away from shoyo's, preventing to meet his eyes for she knew what will happen. " e-everything.. "

she gulp aphonic, inhale and exhale deep from her nose.

" 3 months ago, after he was put in that piteous circumstances with you. when my brother was away, he did not go there to study. he was there co'z he was in pain. he said he want to run away " a crack voice escaped from miwa, but she remain still.

" but that running away led him into an ailment, my relatives from there, state that he was always feel dizzy, he look pale, and always look pity-weak. my brother - "

a tear dropped from her eyes.

" he said that it was just work and stressed. so i summoned him here. when i saw him in the airport. they were right, he looked tired, pallid and h-hurt, but i preferred to cover the burden i was carrying " 

miwa face the sky, avoiding to drop another tear from her eyes, while shoyo, in her peripheral, staring down, dark and unfeeling so she continued her narration.

" then this last friday. h-he was diagnosed. "

shoyo paused his wondering hands from moving as miwa could see it. he felt his heart ache. his tear were falling.

" leukemia "

miwa could hear his quiet sobs. 

" the good news was he was early enough to be cured. " miwa silently pat shoyo's back while he wiped his tears with his bare hand.

" In three days he will be transferred in a private hospital away from here, for his chemotherapy and medicine. " she quick exhale an air.

" w-why.... a-are you saying this t-to me, miwa-san? i-i... can't f-face him, n-not in this p-painful way. after all, its m-my fault " his fist clenched in his lap, his eyes were floody.

" s-shoyo, i'm not blaming you, nor him. its just, talk to him. clear things to h-him. p-please "

miwa pull him closer to give him leaning shoulder, " i treated you as my family before, i don't want to lose you too. "

hinata cover his face with his palm, aching. unhappy, looking pathetic, blue and crushed.  
but he turn his heart into a strong one yet grained and merely agree.

" he has a synthetic thought but still he's waiting for you "

**Author's Note:**

> grammatical errors and wrong info! please free to correct me in a nice way :>


End file.
